The time it took me to find a domain name/title perhaps says something about my state of contemplation and purposes for creating this blog – fuzzy. I hope it will define itself more over time. When my friends and neighbors asked me what I planned to write about, I paused and thought for a brief second, “Jesus, dance, ballet, transformations and changing hearts”. they know me well enough not to laugh; I was serious. If writing helps me process my thoughts, then by all means do it and put all those discombobulated meanderings into a communicative form so that I can carry a conversation about it with people… Although this is mostly for myself and my own reflection, blogging attracts me because it opens up opportunities for dialogue and discussion – often times necessary for decision making and sanity. “Talking it out” or writing it out solidifies thoughts and if anything helps me clear my mind to go back and sort through the junk. I will make a commitment to myself and any friends who might read this, that I will try not to use my blog as a “mind dump” but will aim to put forth useful information that can stimulate good conversation or at least entertainment. (This is very green of me, saving some paper ;-))
Back to the naming game – my dear neighbors and roommate put up with me for oh, 2 or 3 days of trying out words and begging for suggestions, which I mostly refused, especially the suggestion to name it my despised nickname “spills McGee”. Don’t ask. So, after a couple non-social nights with my face glued to the tiny monitor, I settled on one a free domain search engine put together from words I liked. Need I mention it was 1am of my birthday. I was under pressure. I told everyone I was starting a blog for my birthday.
It felt all too cheesy to put “dance” in my word title, but as dance is this pervading presence in my mind, I can’t live without it or thinking about it so I just as well go with it. I’ll get all gooey and romantic about my dance passion or obsession later, but you have to understand, I have been trying to push that out of my radar and well, it just didn’t work. Regardless, “dance” can have more connotations than simply graceful, physical movement. I see “dance” as a metaphor for my life as well – always moving, swaying, changing. “Introspection” is just a neat word for a contemplative thought process, regardless of the contents. Somehow it speaks “ethics and morals” and “intelligence”or at least a presence of knowing oneself well. Rather, I fear I give the impression of absent-mindedness frequently. Enough said about the name.
Processes of coming to a decision intrigue me, since mine are usually lengthy. I decided to start after an encounter with a friend. I had been looking for a way to make my thoughts and experiences known to be a testimony of what God has and is doing in my life. One day I will write a book, but I’m not there yet. Even my decision to start a blog wasn’t as impetuous as I could make it out to be; it took several days of announcing it out loud to get used to the idea, and then the careful process of selecting a name. The rare case of impulsiveness is indeed an indulgence for me, although it is usually a case of responsibility or obligation. I already mentioned this a celebratory milestone for me. Last year I see as the beginning of an incline of change and growth and healing; I want to come to the place I can share it all, but I must make sure that my vulnerability is timely so that it will be an encouragement in a more public sphere. I am looking forward, however, to continued growth and maturity in the coming year.
Very briefly, of late I have been asking God to give me a burning desire to spend time in His word and to know Him more, and He has been faithful to do so. In the past it has taken a dramatic events or intense struggles to bring me back to the Lord and seek Him. I pray He need not run after me and bring me back to Him again, that I will dwell in His presence continually, but I know that even though my human tendencies may not let me keep that committment, He will not let me get too far away that I am ever out of His reach. God has done some amazing things in my life that I am beginning to see, and I hope He will continue His work. I know He will. His promises are true that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:6)