I am confident in this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ (Phil 1:6).
Looking over my archives, I am tempted to wipe the record of personal things I’ve written in the past couple years -in case future employers come searching for my deepest, darkest secrets I’ve spilled in a weak and lonely moment. ha! But then again, it is nice to go back and see ways I’ve changed – the delightful adventures as well as the hardships I’ve endured, and the silly ideas I’ve promoted. I recall when I started the blog, it was in an attempt to “stop journaling so much and wasting paper”. I also wanted to adapt to writing in the digital age. Well, I don’t see it that way so much any more. In fact, I’ve managed to “waste” a lot more paper in journals in the last couple years than I did before.That’s because there are many things that may need to remain in a journal, and many things that are better preserved there. long-winded extrapolations for certain.
I would love to transform my blog, but for now, there is one life change I must mention.
July 31 was my personal D-day. For me it came as a result of realizing I needed and wanted to be free from certain strongholds and sin patterns in my life that could not be changed with my striving. Through a process with deliverance ministers and licensed counselors, I experienced freedom that only the Lord gives. It was right for me because I was desperate, for direction and permanent change in my life; I wanted it, sought it out, desired it. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened (Matt 7:8).
The Lord gave me so much joy and freedom yesterday as I was driving home, singing to him and praising him and praying with more ease than I’ve ever had. Today I asked him to sustain that for me, because cares and temptations began to creep up again. I now know I can renounce them, in Jesus’ name, because he’s my deliverer. Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Many other verses came to mind, and I am reminded I must daily eat of the Word if I want to have it hid inside me. He has given me great desire and joy in spending time reading his Word. I want more, all the time. I want to soak in his presence. His peace is fulfilling Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid (John 14:27).
My revelation is tied up with all those experiences, yet in addition to delivering me and healing me and giving me joy and peace and rest, he assured me that he will bring about his plan for me, and give me the desires of my heart. The word that was given to me yesterday confirms that he has not forgotten me, what he has given me, and that he will be faithful to bring about that which has been prophesied and promised. His Word does not return void. After so much hurt, disappointment, rejection and confusion, he has cleared those away and confirmed me. Not only that, but told me in specific ways what I will accomplish using the gifts he’s given me in the years to come. For so long I’ve struggled to believe that He will use my dancing for something great, or that I will be able to continue dancing at all. It has been a long, hard struggle, and I expect there is a lot of work ahead, but I am thankful I have confidence now to persevere. I couldn’t be more pleased or excited! I have been fighting for motivation and perseverance – fighting doubt, failure, injuries, heavy burdens – and it has been hard. But he lifted those burdens for me and gave me his light yoke in return. He has filled me up with his Spirit and assured me that my labor is not in vain. Talk about motivation! It’s not as much of a struggle anymore to get to the studio every day. It’s wonderful. I can’t do anything but praise him when I think of it!
If anything has increased because of this, it is my faith. Yet I must work it out still. Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). Like how the work in the studio must go on… it is a joyous toil. It gives new meaning to the verse: Faith is the Assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).
I can truly say that my delight is in the Lord, not in the things of this world, not in the things of man, not in success or money or career, or even in my heart’s desire. The Lord has given me my life, my dancing and my hope. For this I praise him.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to him, trust in him, and he will act. (Psalm 37:4-5)