Photographs of Caroline Rocher, LINES Ballet

Take a look at these incredible photographs of a peacock feather tutu on Alonzo King LINES Ballet dancer Caroline Rocher. This was way too many of my favorite things combined to not re-post. Thank you Ballet the Best Photographs for compiling these images! Photographer RJ Muna.

caroline-rocher-alonzo-king-lines-ballet-photographer-rj-muna-6 caroline-rocher-alonzo-king-lines-ballet-photographer-rj-muna-7 caroline-rocher-alonzo-king-lines-ballet-photographer-rj-muna-8



Light at the End of the Tunnel

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I have had so many wonderful things happen this last semester, but too little time to blog. When I’m not writing stories and papers to finish up this English degree, I’m dancing or choreographing…

I have had the privilege to perform a lot with USC Dance Company my last semester: in Thaddeus Davis’ It’s Getting Heavy and in Helen Pickett’s February 14, 2012, both original works created on us for Breaking Ground concert in February. Then in the Ballet Stars of NY gala and performance which I also helped Susan and the Board of USC Dance behind the scenes fundraising, George Balanchine’s Faust form Walpurgisnacht and Who Cares?  This last performance was bittersweet, as I don’t know when I’ll ever perform Balanchine rep again, or on pointe again, for that matter. Two weeks ago we took fellow senior Caitlin McCormack’s Four to ACDFA Southeastern Conference in Albany, GA, where it placed in the gala. Also, we took a clipped version of Thaddeus’ piece. Next weekend we’ll perform a selection of student choreography for Embodied, USC Dance’s Student Choreography Showcase. Caitlin’s piece Four will again be featured as will be my third piece of choreography at USC, Asylum, a collaboration with five other dancers set to music by Apocalyptica. I couldn’t have done it without them; we all shared equally in the choreographic process, which is what I wanted to happen. I’m so proud of them, and am so glad to be able to work with such talented young artists.

Video clips and photos coming soon – soon after I graduate and have some thinking time! Does anyone have a job for me involving writing and dancing/choreographing? I’m getting a little antsy about that…

Maria Kowroski and Amar Ramascar graced our stage in Apollo.


Reflection on the Class:

I am so grateful for the experience dancing and choreographing at the university. I wish I had latched onto the opportunity to be involved in choreograph and be involved in the student showcase before my last two years in college so I could have experienced more. I’m really grateful for Thaddeus’ inspiration and input to push the program further. The two choreography classes I took made my whole college career worthwhile because they opened up doors I hadn’t considered possible before. I can choreograph? I distrusted myself with choreographing before, which is absurd, because it comes so naturally and I have wanted to create dances since I was 4 years old. In elementary school and middle school I used to choreograph my own pieces for talent shows (and choreographed on my little sister too, however unwillingly). That was before I began to study ballet seriously and was told to put creativity in the dance studio away. I have come a long way since then, but I had to rediscover that childlike creativity and embrace it.

Our conversations in the studio open my mind and challenge my way of thinking about dance, life, the creative process, or all of the above. I was given new food for thought or a project that I was I was excited about doing each time I came to class. I was inspired to go out and create, which is the best gift an instructor in the arts can give his student. When I came here four years ago I wanted to have a place to safely continue dancing ballet, to stay in shape, I thought, and that’s what I got – the first year. The second year I left to pursue different endeavors, but I rediscovered my passion for dancing instead. Back at USC I had the opportunity to experience more depth to what dance could mean for me. This is partly because I came back and sought out opportunities and grasped them, but also because new faculty made opportunities to expand our dance education and experience available to us.

The university offered me a place to explore in dance that I wouldn’t have considered seriously for myself before. Within the small circle of our class, we were encouraged to experiment with movement (and multimedia) and push the bounds of our creativity that I might not have otherwise. In the university setting, we have a safety net to try and fail, to fall and get up, to explore alternatives. We have the availability of places to perform in different venues on campus, to collaborate with artists from the other schools. I can, and want to continue to create outside of college, but it’s going to be a lot harder, and have to be even more intentional. I want to seize all the opportunities I can while I am here.

I hope the future classes of dance majors at USC are pushed to explore their creativity and limits from their inception into the program. I hope their creative minds are engaged. Mine was, but it had to be wrestled or drawn out of me. It has been there the entire time, but has been dormant. It was saying, do you remember me? Do you remember how I used to come out and dance around and you didn’t care what it looked like? Now that I have the technical basis I dance and have been exposed to other philosophies, academia, and life experiences that can inform my creativity, I believe I have potential to create interesting things that are meaningful and not haphazard.

Reflection for the Creative Process and My Project “XIV”:

It’s interesting to look back and see all the pieces I had that went into creation of this piece of choreography. As part of Thaddeus’ class, it became an entire project. I was prepared to choreograph and incorporate dancers and even a musician, but I had never worked with multimedia in a dance before. That added a whole new aspect to my learning experience. The parameters for our project were minimal: it had to be 10 minutes in length, use a prop that was essential to the movement, and incorporate our work in class.

The music was the easy part. I already had a song by the Sons of Korah that I wanted to use. It was entitled Psalm 14a because it was based off the beginning of the Psalm. It had kind of a world-music feel to it, and was dark and brooding, with a deep-throated voice that started near the middle of the piece which broke into an elevated chant at the end: “The fool says there is no God…” Only the first three verses of the Psalm were sung. Naturally, I read the Psalm, over and over. I was struck that there was much more going on in the Psalm than the morose message the Sons of Korah piece focused on. As I searched for music or sound that would complement it to make a 10 minute piece, I considered using the sounds of a thunderstorm or clapping rather than music. No other piece of music could be put alongside that. The only thing that I found that might complement the Sons of Korah piece were some instrumental metal pieces by Apocalyptica. I mentioned it to my friend Jay one day, and casually asked if he could play anything like Apocalyptica, to which he replied, “of course”. The conversation that initiated our collaboration began.

My friend John (Jay) Coker had been home for nearly a year due to medical complications from an injury to his optic nerve from intense stage lights (why he has to wear sunglasses everywhere) that kept him one semester away from finishing his Masters in Bass Performance at Peabody Conservatory in Maryland. He will return this spring, but this fall was an opportunity that I was grateful to grasp while he was in Columbia. I had written down words and concepts from reading Psalm 14 and from listening to the song that I thought would inspire my choreography, and I shared these with Jay. He was really excited about the themes of thunder and lightning, because, he said, the bass is the perfect instrument to create that. He composed a piece of music for me – using inspiration from the Psalm, basically overnight. We exchanged numerous emails and met to make changes way before I auditioned my dancers. Together we tweaked it to be 10 minutes in length, with three distinct sections for the dance I was to choreograph. I told him I needed to map out the composition so I had something to work from. I adapted his “themes” and “grooves” and he adapted to need for distinct cut offs and dynamics in the music. We continued to converse and change the composition after I began rehearsals. For the most part, I worked off a recording so I could listen to it over and over again.

I used the phrases Thaddeus had us create and videotape, then morphed them using the manipulations we learned in Choreography I such as retrograde, doing them the movement just to the right or left, putting the movement of the legs into my arms or arms for legs, doing only the right side or only the left, repeating it, putting the phrase on the floor. It was easy to come up with dance and transitions and patterns I could see in my head as I listened to the music. I decided to challenge myself by creating some movement phrases without music and then seeing where they would fit into the dance, if they worked with the music or contrasted it. A lot of the movement I created was not typical of my style and did not look like ballet, or contemporary dance.

The phrase I originally created with a roll of toilet paper evolved into a solo for one girl with a longer piece of fabric – resembling a rope, and a hanging. The toilet paper evolved into a long piece of fabric nearly as wide as the stage. I made a make-shift one by cutting up several old sheets into strips and stapling the ends together. Later I decided I wanted two, so I cut up two sheets of the same color into three pieces each and sewed them together. There was so much I could do with these props! I had to choose which to incorporate into the dance. With the availability of dancers and time, and the pressure to get something put together for the student showcase, I ended up using those ideas that were most easily transferable to my dancers. One of my dancers was especially willing to work with the sheet and experiment with the”hanging” with the sheet. That was the most interesting part of the dance for me, not only because it was the embryo of the piece, but because she was interested in making it work as much as I was.

Once I got the dancers into the room, I was limited by how much they could grasp my ideas, but also inspired to keep some of the things they did. I got 7 dancers out of 12 I asked, then added one more to make 8. They were all different styles of dancers, different levels of experience, ad different sizes, which was a challenge in itself, but it made the piece that much more interesting. I told them my background ideas for the piece, that it was based on the Psalm, and my concepts of thunder storms and lightning. I often would use them as “guinea pigs” to create a shape or pattern. Sometimes it worked how I wanted it to, sometimes not at all. Sometimes the dancers helped me to create something entirely new. I encouraged their input and frequently asked them how we could get into such and such a position or pattern, or how they could make this lift or transition easier. Sometime their input made things too easy, however. I wanted to see struggle, tension, and constraint at certain times to convey the message of the music or my theme.

With time constraints on mine and my dancers’ busy schedules, we could only meet once or twice a week for an hour to an hour and a half late at night. Often I would bring a phrase for them to learn, some ideas I had, and see what worked. I tried to come prepared to teach them the material because I knew they would appreciate that consideration of their time, but I would rather work actively with them, creating as we go. I was unable to finish the dance in time for the second adjudication for the student showcase, and it was not chosen to be performed. Also, I told the panel that I was more interested in the creative process than putting something on stage, probably another factor that led to it not being chosen to be performed. I felt bad for my dancers who committed so much time to it, so I vowed to make an opportunity for them to perform it this semester. At the student showcase I learned a lot about composition and projection from watching my peers’ pieces on stage, and I am somewhat relieved I didn’t have to rush through the process and could leave “XIV” somewhat unfinished, with potential to come back to it with fresh eyes in the future.

Other challenges I faced besides limited time and coordinating the dancers’ schedules were the dancers’ commitment to the movement or ideas I presented, and their adaptability. Although we are all students, I expected them to act on a professional level. About half of them did. I like to give those who have not performed with USC Dance company an opportunity to perform, but I will probably be more choosy about who I pick in the future because it is for my learning experience and final product too. I never second-guessed my musicality until a couple of the dancers asked me for specific counts. It was good for me to consider if I needed to count the music, how to count the music, and how to clearly communicate the musical cues to my dancers if I chose not to count the music. I consulted Jay again, who confirmed the counts were too complicated to count, and came to the next rehearsal prepared to explain how I had all the movement mapped out with the music. I asked Jay to come to our next rehearsal t play the different “grooves”, “themes” and “chants” for my dancers, and he played live for rehearsal from then on as often as possible. I was challenged to consider my musicality, if I was on the music, what being on the music or dancing with the music meant, and how to clearly articulate my musicality to the dancers.

I loved working with the multimedia project Thaddeus gave us, but I had not previously worked with imovie and do not own a Mac. After a couple classes working on his laptop and an unexpected project for my Fulbright application came up, I worked at the Mac lab in Gambrell hall. I learned through trial and error and asking the staff there for help. Now I love imovie and am looking forward to using it to document my next choreographic endeavors. I also created a projection with the help of my friend, Jason Steelman, with the idea of projecting a live feed simultaneously on top of it during the performance. My initial idea didn’t work out so well once we got into the space, and ended up being too complicated for the technology we had, so I projected them separately. In the end I was glad I did, because the live feed from the webcam ended up having a cool “glowing” effect from the lights we used and looked interesting by itself. I am looking forward to collaborating with multimedia artists in the future or learning more about it myself.

In the course of a day, we loaded in the floor and set up a performance space for our informal showcase. The space was already challenging for what I choreographed, and was even more challenging once we moved chairs into the performance space. I adapted the choreography somewhat to a smaller space, but at some point I had to let go of the piece in some respect and trust my dancers to use their spatial awareness and “stage smarts”. I was just pleased to see a somewhat finished product after a semester of work. It wasn’t the smoothest performance, but I was very pleased.

What I learned: I have to be adaptable, my dancers have to be adaptable, and collaboration is a wonderful, wonderful thing! I learned I must clearly express my musicality to the dancers, and that we have never listened to the music too much. Also, running through the piece full-out is essential to achieve the kind of physicality in the movement I want from less experienced dancers. Many of my dancers were wonderful, but in the future I would like to work with dancers who are very physically capable and eager to adapt my style of movement or try new things. Although I think it’s interesting to see my movement on different bodies and style of dancers, it was sometimes frustrating that they wouldn’t do what I wanted, and I often settled for less or changed the movement something less complex. I learned to be flexible and in-the-moment with my dancers. I also learned that I must clearly articulate what I want from them, whether it’s physically dancing the phrase over and over for them to emulate, or describing how the movement should feel or unfold, or giving them food for thought what to think about and express through their movement. I believe, with Alonzo King, that “the point [of choreography] after all, is communication”, and that it is pointless to create art void of meaning. But while I wanted to leave interpretation of my work to the audience, I discovered that first and foremost, I must clearly express some intent of what the piece is about or can be about to my dancers in order that they have something to communicate, and I must give my audience likewise, some food for thought. I do not need to spoon-feed them, however, the “mystical is contained in the literal” (King). Adding words, dialogue (however brief or vague), or supplemental multimedia incorporated into the dance are an effective way to do this. This last concept I need to develop more for “XIV” if I perform it again. All of the tools and steps that I experienced through this process were valuable and will stay with me for as long as I create dance.

Sample clip of my work for XIV:


Psalm 147b

Friday I had the pleasure of watching eight Performers girls dance my choreography to the Sons of Korah’s Psalm 147b. It felt so normal being back in the studio at Alwin’s – although it’s been years since I danced in that same studio as one of them. In 2009 I watched the 25th anniversary production of Christmas Joy, which was my sister’s last year in the production. It has been seven years since I was a Performer and trained at Alwin School of the Dance. That makes me feel so old! It makes me wonder what I have accomplished in those seven years?! I am not doing what I planned to be when I left to train with Boston Ballet seven years ago. But looking back I cannot regret the way life led me. I wouldn’t have matured in ways I have and learned the things I did if I did not have the experiences I did. It took me this long to heed God’s call on my life to use my gifts to give Him glory.  Watching them perform the piece was a good reminder that it’s not about me. It’s not about them, either, not even the girls I chose for solo work. It’s all about the Lord.

He has been so merciful and faithful to chase after me and draw me to Him. He has given my dancing back to me when I wanted to run away from it because of painful experiences. He has been so good. I must repeat these things over and over to remind myself this is why I create dance – in gratitude and amazement of God’s goodness and majesty. His faithfulness and immeasurable beauty I see in the consistencies and magnificence of nature, in the sunset, in the stars at night, in the high mountain peaks covered with snow and the massive ocean foaming and whipping with waves, in the human form in graceful dance or powerful movement. I agree with the Psalmist who attempts to proclaim the Lord’s magnificence and our insufficient, futile efforts to impress him. The God of the universe! What do we have to offer him?!

“His delight is not in the strength of the horse,
   nor his pleasure in the legs of a man,
but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him,
   in those who hope in his steadfast love.” (Psalm 147:10-11)

I was reading one of Joshua Harris’ books recently that I found on the shelf at home, and he was talking about God’s gift of freedom from past sexual sin, or sin of any sort, really, by getting perspective of the cross. It’s relevant to Psalm 147 when trying to understand what it meant to Jesus Christ to die for us, and why he deserves out praise. The Lord over the universe, the part of the Trinity that helped God the Father to design creation and people in his own image, (Colossians 1:17) came not only to live a perfect life among sinners, but to die a sinner’s death as a perfect, blameless man, experiencing all the weight of the sins of all the peoples of the world while in agony on the cross, and being rejected not only by those he loved and was dying for, but by his own father in heaven. That baffles me – to have such great love to lay down your life for people who revile you, while your all-powerful father hides his face from you. Left alone in the world to bear the sins of the world.

“He feels dirty. Human wickedness has starts to crawl upon his spotless being – the living excrement from our souls. The apple of the Father’s eye turns brown with rot. His father!

He must face his father like this!

From heaven the father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross.” (When Boy Meets Girl. Harris, J. p. 177)

The story doesn’t end there though. Christ conquered death: he died and was buried, rose on the third day and ascended into heaven,  to the glory of his Father in heaven. The Father was well-pleased with his Son’s sacrifice, and considers his son’s sacrifice rather than our sins. He is in heaven sitting at the right hand of God the Father ruling over the earth. At the throne of his heavenly father he makes intercession for us. (Isaiah 53:12) That is cause to praise him!

Psalm 147b talks about the God’s might and power as reasons we should extol him; it says the Lord delights in those who fear his name. (vs. 11) Our hope is in his steadfast love – that has saved us. We cannot gain his favor or approval – it is already paid for, done and approved. The Psalmist urges Zion to “extol the Lord” and praise God Jerusalem.”(vs. 12) He goes on to talk about how he strengthens the fortress (gates) of the city, and blesses your children within you (vs. 13) He grants us peace and “satisfies us with the finest of wheat.”(vs. 14) His Word commands the universe. He speaks his word and the ice melts. He keeps all his promises.

Christ boldly endured the cross. We can boldly praise him. That is why I felt the need to express boldness and confidence in the movement for this Psalm, not  interpretive dance. While Latin dances are typically associated with being macho or flirtatious, I think adding a little of the flamenco style movement accentuated the piece because of its boldness and power. The music also had Latin/Spanish guitar influence, and I let the music inspire the movement. I seldom pull movement out of thin air – the music becomes the blood in my veins that create the dance. For so long I stifled it because I wanted to pursue my dream, not God’s dream for me. I will not let regret and frustration rule me. I look forward to the ways God is shaping and changing me. In His goodness He is showing me that I please Him with my gift even when it is not me performing. I am doubly blessed, to transfer this gift to so many wonderful young girls and multiply the praises to God in their worshipful bodies and hearts.

Thank you to Wendy Miner and the Performers for allowing me this opportunity. I am looking forward to our next creation!

Scroll to 9:35 for the last run-through of the dance.

Looking forward to working with the girls again to clean it up and see it performed in its finished product next spring!

P.S. They’ll be wearing all black or a dark shade flamenco-type skirts for the performance.

Summertime: Time to Revitalize the Psalms Project

Fire Spirits Dancing Free by Annie B.

It’s summer! My favorite time of year because of all the fun things to do in the sun… Last week my brother was in town and we tried to do as many outdoor activities as possible: tubing on the river, swimming, rock climbing, mountain biking, kayaking – you name it, I am game to try it! I enjoy the freedom I have to do these sorts of activities as opposed to when I was a serious ballet dancer, yet while I enjoy all sorts of outdoor activities and adventures, I do it all conscious of trying to keep my body active, but I know there is no way to stay in shape better than ballet class. Yet I have not taken a ballet class since April, and I don’t miss it, yet…except when I see pictures or video clips of ballet dancers in big companies and it makes me wistful…I think I am beyond regretting my change of course in career/ academic pursuit, but I cannot help the feeling of loss that is so great.

Yet it RETURNS to me – whenever I hear beautiful, wonderfully crafted music, all I can think of is dancing, and it floods my heart again… It is as if I have forgotten my first love, to dance, and when I hear instruments it suddenly returns to me. I wonder how I ever get through a day without dancing! I am much happier when I do…

One obvious step toward restoring my dancing  heart God gave me this past semester when I first put my own choreography onstage at the Koger Center for the Arts for the USC Dance student choreography showcase. That was April, and it seems so long ago now! I was so excited about choreographing and creating dance to the Psalms, but after the showcase I set it down to pick up again later. I need some consistency in my life! I need some discipline, some motivation to keep dancing, and creating…. I used to not be able to withstand a day without taking ballet class or dancing. Why have I let that fire grow so cold? I can tell you: life, work, school, paying bills, feeling alienated from the dance world… yes God in his goodness continues roll over the embers in me:

I am so thankful to Wendy Stone for giving me the opportunity to come back home and choreograph for The Performers, the pre-professional company based out of of Alwin School of the Dance that I grew up in. I usually visit once a year when I am back home in Albuquerque for the summer, but I don’t think I had a reason to visit last summer other than to say hello to Ms Karen, Ms Nation, and Tammie.  This summer I have a reason to visit – to continue my Psalms Project by choreographing a piece for the girls – but can I tell you how frightened I am by this?!  I am highly qualified, yet I feel inadequate because of my wanderings. I am nearly 24, and by this time could have had a substantial dance career, but I have had so many unexpected bumps in the road and life experiences that have altered my plans that I feel sometimes alienated from dance, when I should have draw closer to it – it is my most natural form of expression.  WAIT. I have drawn closer to dance, in different ways than expected. My body does not feel the tautness and suppleness of a ballet dancer anymore, but I have grown to appreciate and become interested in so many other dance and art forms that I was previously closed off to. They remain unexplored, but I have opened so many new doors. I would never have thought I would take an interest in flamenco or its cultural background, for instance. I am right where God intends me to be. Perhaps my experiences can translate better into a dance for these girls since I am not stooping down off my high horse to teach them to be just like me -no, rather I want to experience with them, and create something REAL and MEANINGFUL.

God, I want to transfer this newly acquired understanding of dance as something that is multifaceted, and always a part of you, no matter where your life leads, to these girls. Thank you for the opportunity, and continue to revitalize my passion for dancing and inspire me again with movement to create for these girls, and for Your glory. Let it be an experience for them to draw closer to their own unique love and passion for dance, and appreciate the body and the gift God has given them. I want them to enjoy dancing, and dance their hearts out – what a blessing that I can be a perpetrator of that joy…

Look for it in upcoming posts:

Psalm 147  by Sons of Korah

I found a video clip in which a missions team used the same song:

I will be heading back to NM to set the piece from July 26-Aug 1.

Praise be to God!

Fundraising Gala, Flamenco, Future Prospects

Our annual fundraiser was on April 30, and this was the first time I was involved in putting it on- more than I ever intended to be. The first USC Dance gala I experienced was when the program was 3 years old, in 2008 when I performed as a guest shortly after leaving Columbia City Ballet – we had the third annual fund-raising gala on the Koger Center stage after the NYCB performance. The next year, 2009, I was actually enrolled in the university, and the gala and performance were in celebration of opening a new building, a huge accomplishment for the program and Susan Anderson.  In 2010 I missed the gala and the NYCB performance because I was studying abroad, which was well-worth it.  I had become tired of the program and frustrated by my seemingly futile persistence to keep dancing in college.  This year I was ready to be back in the throng of things, yet was not expecting to be one of the organizers of the whole shebang – my work study job in dance department director’s office had already proved to be a far bigger job than the title entailed.

Nonetheless, I was glad to have work. I will refrain from all the details, but putting on a gala to impress and draw wealthy donors is one hell-of- a-lot of work! And exhausting! It would have helped if we were a bit more organized… After seeing all the background, I really learned to appreciate all that Susan has done for the program. In the end, Come Dance With US(C) turned out better than I expected, and we raised a lot of scholarship money for the department.

Unfortunately working at the Dance Department does not necessarily equal dancing more, although I am always “present” and in their view. But that is no one’s fault but my own either…I just can’t do everything! I still would rather be dancing than working in the office…but I have to pay the rent somehow, and at least I am surrounded by it all… I take that back. I’d rather not be surrounded by it all. Detachment from all the drama and stress surrounding the dance world has always been my safe haven. Thaddeus told me in evaluations I distance myself too much from the other dancers and need be more a part of the “group”  – although that context is in technique class, where I try to escape from the monotony of the day. It’s nice to have something familiar I can return to and ground myself in, and take ballet or modern class with respected staff while getting my degree – I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that after I graduate.  I need to not force myself into a desk job or something I think would be a “good decision” after college, because I will hate it if I cannot be dancing. Again, I would rather be dancing…

The best part of the night was the flamenco dancers, Jose de Guadalupe and Rina Menosky. Jose has formed his own flamenco dance performing company, Flamenco Arts, consisting of himself and his partner. His pianist, Richard A. Smith, came with them from Greenville, SC.  As part of my job with Susan, I was responsible for getting many of the guest performers and musicians to come, and I was already excited about seeing real flamenco dancers after my research project on Flamenco dance.

I stood gripping poor Lauren’s arm during their performance.  Both of them were stunning, captivating, fierce, sexy, thrilling, shocking, seductive and powerful artists on that stage.  Their performance fueled the fire in me to learn this newly discovered dance passion. I regret not learning flamenco from my ballet instructors and contacts in Albuquerque growing up, but it’s never to late. And if  I want to find a new challenge in a dance form other than ballet for the future of my dancing life, flamenco holds that challenge.

I have been rolling this over in my head for a few weeks now, and from both the project on flamenco in Dr. Parrish’s class, to watching and talking to Jose and Rina, to my research into Spanish guitar and interviews with guitar professor Christopher Berg, my visit to Spain, background in New Mexican culture, and inclination to use my analytical skills in combination with writing and the physicality of movement, I have decided to gear my Fulbright proposal for grad school in Dance Anthropology. At University Roehampton London in the UK, I could study Flamenco and Spanish cultural dance specifically, as just one branch of my degree. I find various cultures fascinating, but mostly what role dance plays in that. I would love find a job that allows me to dig up culturally rich dance forms, learn to dance it, master to the art form, travel, and write about dance in my adventures. I think I am slowly coming closer to my ideal job… all hypothetical. I wonder who I could find to pay me to write a dancing version of the Lonely Planet? When you see it on bookshelves (or in Kindle websites or whatever) you better believe it was me!

Psalm 117: nearly finished

Praise the Lord, all you nations!

Extol Him, all you peoples!

For great is His steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord!

~Psalm 117, written by the sons of Korah

This is what I am left with after the hustle and bustle of putting together a piece based on the Psalm and giving it over to my dancers to light up the stage. The music and the words inspired the dance – the WORD inspired the dance; it is a living word and is “more powerful than a two edged sword”.

I started this post 2 weeks ago, just as I was finishing the choreography, and I already knew that this journey had become meaningful in more ways than I anticipated. Through obeying what I felt God called me to do (finally, after years of resisting, and I am just beginning to break through the barriers), I gained experiences that taught me a lot about the dance world that I could not have learned without stepping into the role of choreographer: what goes through the choreographer’s or dance master/mistress’ head, why they choose the dancers they do, why it shouldn’t be taken personally if you’re not chosen, etc etc…

The creative part is the easiest for me – put on the music, and the movement flows – so much that I often forget what I just did, which can be a problem for trying to teach it to dancers… the difficult part is the intention behind it, because this is no recital.  What I stressed most to my dancers as the performance aspect came closer to conception was just that – INTENTION, and CONFIDENCE.  To put a dance on stage that has a powerful message – a purely scriptural message – you cannot take it lightly. It has to be intentional and it takes a level of confidence to perform the message you’re willing to portray and to let it speak for you. I did it knowing that afterward, every person in the dance department may see at me and think, “oh she’s the religious girl” from now on. I had to be ok with that. And I can tell you, as a dancer and as an artist, that has not always the image I have sought after. I by no means intend to toot my own horn; I am no upright saintly worshipper – but I am a worshipper nonetheless, because my God has redeemed this mess called Rebecca and made something beautiful out of it. Just like Laura Story’s words – “take all of my life, all of my mind… and make something beautiful…so all will see your work in me…”

I wonder, sometimes, if I had a successful ballet career the way I imagined it, if I would have been able to take a stance in the dance world like this yet…maybe he was gracious in that by breaking me of my pride in my talent and abilities before my twenties, I was able to begin to see his purpose for my dancing earlier…. who knows. But I know that God can make something beautiful even out of the mess ups of our lives, and even when things don’t go as planned.

Although “Psalm 117” seems a trifle achievement in the light of the other pieces in the showcase, it was a huge step for me – the risk of putting a piece onstage that for the first time, to put a religious message onstage, set myself up for exposure and criticism, and to do it with other undergraduates. There were a lot of questions running through my mind. What will the other dancers think of me? the faculty? Is my choreography good enough? Should I really aim to work with style different from what I am comfortable with? It was a big risk, and it was finally time to take that risk. I want to give all credit to the Lord, yet I seldom stopped over the course of the last five weeks to ask Him what He wanted to do with this piece… still I am certain He can and will use it for His good. I stressed “intent” and “confidence” in the words the dancers were portraying through their movements. What was the journey for them? Did it have any significant spiritual meaning? That is theirs to keep. I wish I had been less busy and more spiritually in tune with the Holy Spirit so that He could guide me through the process; yet He was guiding me whether I was always aware of it or not.

I just touched the brink of the experience, both in my spiritual and physical talents the Lord has given me. I am thankful more than anything else for the opportunity to put my creation on stage, and for the patient dancers who bore with my often fragmented process.  While I wish I had more rehearsal and more time to pull it together, I am satisfied with my progress and the consummation of the ideas I was able to formulate and project on my dancers in a short amount of time. Thanks also go to Cindy Flach for putting together; it would not have been possible without her, and to my friend Dana Voravudhi for help with the sign language. I hope it was a positive experience for my dancers and that they enjoy dancing it tonight. More than anything, may God be glorified through our dancing and may at least one person’s heart be touched who sees it. I don’t care what happens to my dance career or lack thereof. I want to continue creating dances for my God. He’s the only one whose pleasure I seek. Praise the Lord!