I met with my nutritionist this morning – she has been helping me try to stick to a plan to lose weight since she knows my goals, well, obligations, to be performing again. I love Deborah; we have a great time chatting (and if she ever reads this, know that I think you’re great and have meant the world to me!) but even she had to tell me to take it seriously today. It’s funny how much my personality has changed so that I forgive myself maybe a little too much now and don’t let slip-ups bother me hardly at all. When in all seriousness, I don’t want to look like a buffoon onstage… so I need to be (I never thought I’d say this) harder on myself, and execute some discipline, at least for the next month before this show. It’s a pretty short amount of time, but 5 pounds is 5 pounds, and will make a difference in pink tights! Speaking of, I have to ask my mom to dig a pair out of my closet at home and send them to me. I have to say no to sweets and abstain from baking for the meantime. I won’t say no to my newly found love, fudge sickles, however. They’re harmless, I tell myself: they’re pre-portioned, and much better for me than ice cream. Anyway, I won’t rant on any longer. I need my sleep. Running in the morning!
That’s my new mantra for the month of September, and October, and November… I have to owe the phrase to Susan Anderson, director of the Dance Department here at USC. I’m technically a Dance major again, as well as English, a necessary evil – the dance, not the English degree. But if it gets me dancing on stage again, I will do whatever it takes. I really want to be at my best next time I try to put on a costume to perform “Great Galloping Gottschalk”, which looks like it will be in 2 and a half short months. Rehearsals this past week with Jeff Gribler from Pennsylvania Ballet have lifted my spirits so much. I am truly grateful to be in the studio with him, and after such a long a sabbatical from ballet too! I just want to tell everyone how happy I am to be in the studio again! But the leotard and tights thing is stumping my joy a bit…
I am working with the same nutritionist who helped me get over bad habits before. I really just like chatting with her and I wanted to be back in her life. Deborah and I get along great . Except when she told me my body fat percentage was way over what I thought it was… If there is one thing I have learned over my time worrying about my weight as a dancer, it is that I cannot go on a “diet” because somehow my body rejects those thoughts and battles against them. A change in lifestyle, constituting a clean-up of my eating habits is what is in charge. I can happily say that I have gone the complete other end of the spectrum from obsessing over what I put into my mouth, and it’s hard to harness my self will and put it back on track. I need accountability, which is why I see Deborah and why I am blogging about it. Once I tell people what I intend on doing, I feel this impending need to complete what I said I would do. It’s like I have to live up to it, something that I wouldn’t necessarily do just for myself. So hopefully this tactic will work for sticking to my meal plan outline she gave me as well. Ugh, I have to eat meals, and at normal times of the day?! What a chore!
If you were hoping for dieting advice from me, it’s not here, I’ll just tell you now. I’m awful at it, and I love eating. I am a vegetarian and I have a sweet tooth to more than make up for the meat I don’t eat. I really like Michael Pollan’s book “In Defense of Food” I read this summer. http://michaelpollan.com/books/in-defense-of-food/ It is the most convincing, eye-opening examination of the Western food industry we suffer from, and realistic, simplistic advice. I haven’t read “Eat, Pray, Love”, but I would like to, although I have been told not to waste my money going to the theater to see the film, but to just wait until it comes out on DVD. http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/eatpraylove.htm I am ecstatic that two frozen yogurt places opened in Columbia near where I live and on campus. I wish I could go to the farmers market or orchard everyday and pick out fresh produce to eat. The markets in San Fransisco Bay Area are the best I have ever seen. One day when I finally settle down and have a real house I want to have a garden, but I am afraid I didn’t inherit my mother’s green thumb and will probably forget to water it or something. I have killed herbs in my windowsill before.
I don’t know why this has become my topic to blog about tonight, I guess because dance and being the studio has been on my mind, and I am trying to stay away from our well-stocked fridge and cupboards for the rest of the night. (The carton of chocolate soy milk in the fridge is calling my name.) I love having a full fridge. Trust me, it doesn’t happen very often living as a poor college student. I always need excuses to bake cookies or cakes, so I am compiling a list of friends’ birthdays coming up I can make them for. Do let me know if you want to be included on the list.